Some Man Advice

I've mentioned it many times ... I'm getting old. Most of the time half-jokingly but yet, aware that it is slowly becoming more of a reality than a joke. I don't get carded at bars anymore...unless I go to one of those places that literally card everyone because it is filled with mostly 21-25 year old people and every minor in the county tries to get in. Not getting carded is really the first step towards officially being old.

Now, I'm not bitter about getting old because I also have discovered that I have become fairly wise, relatively speaking. I can not tell you how many times I have been hanging out with some guys and their would be someone who is pre-30 that would tell a tale of some sort and after hearing this tale us old men would chuckle and point out to the youngin' where he went wrong...it is all common sense we say.

So, as a public service to every man in America, I am going to dispense some invaluable advice exclusively for men. I am by no means a professional consultant or am certified to help anyone in any way shape or form. I am merely a man that likes sports, women, rock music and beer (in no particular order). And some of the things I am about to point out you will exclaim, well of course, that's just common sense...of course it is, but you would be surprised at how many times these instances happen. That really is my goal here...is to inform those that don't know yet. And finally, this isn't like any magazine "10 Ways To Get The Girl You Want" type of advice...this, again, should just be common sense type of advice that not all men seem to know. I am not claiming to break any new ground here.

So let's get's this thing rolling:

Never ask a woman if they are pregnant. Right off the bat, seems like common sense, yet I have seen more then one man make this gaffe. Now of course if your intent is to offend and/or ridicule the woman you inquired, you probably can't get much meaner. I do not care if you see a girl that you knew was 125 lbs just last month and now looks like she is trying to hide a blanket under her shirt, wearing sweat pants and almost 200 lbs ... you should never utter that phrase to any woman. EVER.

Always compliment a woman's hair, especially if she changed it. Now this one seems pretty straight forward but it is one a man forgets and I also say it is something that a man should do to any female acquaintance and will instantly gain favor amongst all the women you interact with. For some reason women, throughout their life, feel the need to change things up and will either cut their hair really short or let it grow really long or hilight it or tint it or whatever...no matter who this woman is in your life, your mom, your sister, neighbor, whoever...by simply noticing it and merely say "I like what you've done to your hair," you are set. Even if the woman, herself, does not like what she did to her hair, most women will then proceed to thank you and explain either why or why not they will keep that hairstyle...either way, you don't lose and most likely don't have to say another word. What also makes the woman more endearing towards you is that most men won't say anything to a woman about her hair ... maybe their spouse or girlfriend, but men, in general, don't usually comment on a woman's hairstyle directly to the woman. That's why by doing so, you will seem so more 'in tune' than the other men that the woman deals with. This tip alone is worth it's price in ... uh.... something....trust me. Start complimenting a woman's hairstyle ...only when she changes it mind you...and you will not be disappointed. Treats will be left on your doorstep, help with your house cleaning...all kinds of favors are magically offered for no apparent reason.

Never buy clothes for a woman. Again, should be a no-brainer here, but you wouldn't believe how many men fail at this. First, they think well I won't buy anything like a shirt or a dress or anything like that...I'll get her some gloves...NO! Don't do it. Not a scarf, no gloves, hat or anything apparel related...the only exception might be diamond or gold jewelry, but even then you are taking a gamble. Unless the woman has given you the precise specifications of the item she wants, which would include no less then the following information: the brand, style, color, country manufactured in and the exact spot within the only store it can be found ... you might be able to get away with this...but it is still extremely risky.

Women are always hungry. I theorized about this quite some time ago and have been able to almost confirm this assertion as fact. Ok, you say, we know women are hungry, how does that help a man? Well easy...anytime anything with a woman is awry, food is a very good pacifier...especially if you know what the woman loves to eat...if you don't know for sure, always start out with a cake, usually can't go wrong there. And let's say that if you are with a woman and you ask if she is hungry and she replies no, she is not hungry, continue to try to obtain food anyways...I'm willing to bet that 8 out of 10 times the woman eats after initially declining...they just decline to not appear like a pig. Here's the scenario... "Hey Julie, want something to eat?" you ask. "No thanks, I'm not hungry" Julie replies. "Ok," you say, "I'm kind of hungry so I'm just going to grab something to eat if you don't mind." Julie will pause and then say, "Well, if you wanted to share something, I might have a little something." Bam...it's that easy.

Never be a stalker. Pretty straightforward here...don't be the guy who has stalker like qualities...calling and texting a girl about her where-abouts, what she is doing, who she is with, etc. You want to start creeping a girl out and probably drive her towards the paranoia you have, this is the way to do that. I know men often feel desperate and that the one girl they are actually getting something off of is the only girl in the world what would do so become very protective and possessive, but women will eventually want to break free from your overbearing personality.

Five quick tips that if men adhered too would, at the very least, not give them too many negative points when trying to deal with women and not necessarily in just an intimate relationship, but with all the women you deal with on a daily basis. Friends, co-workers, family and whatever female acquaintances may have you have, many of the above tips will help you out.