May 1994-May 1995 Greatest Year ... Ever?

I'm getting old...too old.  A "game" I have played with myself for pretty much all of my life is I try to reflect back to what I may have been doing at this time 10, 20, 30 years ago ... sometimes bad/sad memories are recalled, other times they might be happier memories and other times it may just be recalling "my life" at the time.  As I've played this game for most of my life I also try to somewhat "rate" my time...were the times generally good or were they generally bad for whatever reasons.  And through that process, I have determined that I think I was the happiest, most enjoyable time to be alive was a period from 1994-1995 ... when I was 24 and then turned 25.

I often look back at my "times" in the early 90's ... this is a period of time where I graduated from college and didn't have a job in my field.  I was either working a crappy retail job or sold and delivered auto parts.  I look back and wonder how I was so much more happy and enjoyed life so much more when I had a crappy job I didn't care about, didn't make any money and had no money.  But it is like most things in life ... the more things suck the more a person can make it better. 

So what made that time so enjoyable?  Well let's look at some factors:

1. The Workplace: Even though my job, at the time in 1994-95, wasn't nearly as prominent as several I have had since and the pay was pretty low I was friends with all my coworkers.  It was common for all of us to go out for drinks after work, I remember chipping in to buy pay-per-view boxing fights and watching them at a coworkers house with all the other coworkers.  Our company picnics were simple affairs but always fun. 

Now, I have an office and can almost dictate my own work hours.  My pay is easily 100% more than what I once made.  My job is noteworthy and many people are impressed.  I haven't attended a Christmas party in 8 years and haven't had drinks or attended a work social event in about the same.  There are "cliques" where I work now, just like high school, and since I've been relegated to the "loser" clique because I like loud rock music, I'm not invited to any social events...not that I'm disappointed because it would be extremely awkward if I ever did show up.

2. The Home: In 1994-95 I was living in a 3 bedroom apartment with 2 of my friends and it was a blast.  Most every work day was the same routine: I would get up, usually hungover, and get to work by 8:00 AM, get off work at 5:30 PM.  I would usually eat something but it certainly wouldn't be any elaborate meal ... PB&J and soup was a common supper meal for me.  Depending on the time of the year, go for a mountain bike ride, fishing or whatever would/could take place after supper.  Then at about 10:30 our room mate that worked at a movie theater would get home from work and would coax at least me into going out drinking for most of the rest of the night...did I mention I would be hung over most every morning?

Now, I live in a house with a wife and two children.  My wife is currently going to school to become a nurse and because of that works nights and weekends...so I am the main parent in the house with my kids on most days.  So now, when I get home, I am usually greeted with the words "Dad, what's for supper?" before I can get my shoes off.  Then after picking up the house of the litter that the kids have generated from being home for 2 hours unattended, emptying the dishwasher and making a full meal for the family which I then get to clean up with no assistance from the kids all the time being hounded to "hurry up" so that I can drive one the children to their friends house 20 minutes away before I can come home and sit down for 5 minutes before I have to drive 20 minutes to pick my child up from their friends house.  I "go out" maybe once a month if I am lucky.  Money is still tight so eating out is a rarity at this time.

3. Friends/Friendships: In '94-95 I had numerous "pals".  On most any Friday or Saturday night there would be a good 5-10 of us just hanging out.  We loved to play cards, drink, go to concerts, drink, mountain bike, drink, etc... In 1994, me and 3 others drove a "white trash" van to the Sturgis Bike rally ... drank and had a blast.  We could walk into our "regular" bar and likely meet up with someone we knew and a festive time would be had by all.  Not to mention I lived with probably my 2 best friends at the time.  We all three got along pretty well so living together wasn't a problem at all.

Now, I would say that I have about 3 friends that I associate with.  This, like many of the other factors, is simply because of the family.  I don't get out as much and much of my time is simply tending to family needs.  A card game that was started has ended years ago and my friends (and me as well) work on many weekends so right now getting together with any of them is asking for stars to align ... and occasionally they do, typically for a show of some sort.  And don't get me wrong, I think I still have lots of "friends" its just that I don't get the chance to talk or do much with them anymore.

It is this process that reminds me of Kevin Spacey in the movie American Beauty.  I often do yearn to quit my job and return to a meager existence.  As I have mentioned a couple times in this piece, at almost every stage of my life I have always been essentially broke...so what's the difference of what profession I do have when my net gain is exactly the same...nothing. At least back then I seemed to be enjoying life, whereas today it seems more like a chore.