Why ESPN Sucks

I posted this on my favorite fantasy sports game, Jock$tocks... and I thought... why don't I have more of my rants on here? Well, here we go... from 7/28/04....

ESPN is celebrating it's 25th Anniversary this year and what better way to wish ESPN a happy birthday then to rip it down and stomp on it...and why today? Read to the end....


Ok, for anyone that has watched ESPN from it's inception, I think, will be able to at least see my observations....

First, I'll start with their NFL Coverage...

Remember when ESPN Game Day actually was an hour-long show that would go around the league and set up each game? Go through personel, match-ups, weather conditions, standings, playoff positioning and basically set up every game? Remember those days? Now I can not even stomach turning on Game Day...why? Here's why:

Chris Berman: Thanks for joining us on ESPN's Game Day where we will get you ready for all the day's match-ups.... Like the Giants-Eagles game, it looks like it will be another classic in the making and now we turn to person X who has this touching story about one of the players....

(4 minute player profile)

Chris Berman: Wow, such adversity for that young man and we hope it all works out for him and his family.

When we come back we have much more!

(3 minutes of commercials)

Chris Berman: Welcome back...the NFC Norris division has one of it's best rivals matching up this week, the Vikes and the Pack at the (deep voice for effect) frozen tundra of Lambeau Field. It will no-doubtedly be a clash for the division lead and person X has this story about an incredible player.

(4 minute player profile)

Chris Berman: Wow, such adversity for that young man and we hope it all works out for him and his family.

When we come back we have much more!

(3 minutes of commercials)

You get the picture...remember when they actually talked about the game??? Now they have even extended the duration of NFL Game-day and I think they actually talk LESS about every game...it has become an endless parade of player profiles...just like the Olympics...

And I do admit that their NFL Prime-Time is still what it was...highlights from every game...although at one time every game was given roughly equal coverage...now I'm lucky to see only 2 of the 6 Charger interceptions, whereas I will see damn-near every play from a Patriot-Dolphin game...but maybe that isn't a bad thing....

Now on to ESPN Original Programming....

With the exception of PTI there has not been ONE show that ESPN fully produces that is worth watching. They produce shows that pretty much make Stuart Scott the 'focus' and I have grown so TIRED of Stuart's 'ubran lingo' (for lack of a better adjective) that he feels he needs to make sure is spewed out at every opportunity. "Stump The Schwab"...the premise: know more about sports then the ESPN sports geek...simple enough, now how to ruin this premise, just add Stuart Scott and some lame game-play rules, ie: poker chips (that Stuart gets to hand out) and cards that have strike on it. Dream job...get non-professionals to try and become a sports caster but make sure you got Stuart on the set to add the 'flavor'. Gee, I almost vomit when I see/hear several of the ESPN sports anchors and the way they pitch stories, I'm sure the non-professionals would be just as 'fun' to watch...

I won't even comment on 'playmakers'....

And now I begin to see a trend in their programming...do you?

for the first 3 years (from 2000-03) we had Sportscentury and greatest moments of the first 100 years of sports. Players, teams, moments...etc... This year we have ESPN 25... hour-long specials recapping a variety of sporting events that have ocurred since ESPN's start date - essentially re-hashing many of the same items again. What is it going to be next year? The new millenium, a look at the first 5 years of the new century? I am on the edge of my seat in anticipation of what 'series' ESPN can possible dream up for next year but I no-doubtedly will be tired of seeing the endless promos for whatever it is, just as I am today with their current ESPN25 campaign.

And to keep this post relatively brief (yes, I know...too late...)

My big finale...ESPN Sportscenter itself... to illustrate how this entity has become almost a joke in itself....

Anchor Person: The Mets-Braves met today at Shea and in 1823 Sock-Less Slim pitched a 6 hitter but ended up losing that game because the Mets could only muster 3 hits and no runs. In 1856 it was Glover McBase that had a no-hitter going into the 5th inning when the Braves got rocked and lost 7-5. Let's now flashback to 1913 when the Mets won a thriller 7-4 off a grand-slam in the ninth. Turn the clock to 1925 and Jacob Young stole home to win in extra-innings. In 1954 the Braves had a 16 game win-streak snapped by the Mets in a 10-2 match-up that meant nothing. Now look to 1962 when Josh Cleats was the hero after making a fantastic catch at the wall to perserve a 6-4 lead. In 1965 another great mid-summer classic with the Mets throttling the Braves 15-3 in 100+ degree weather. 1968 had the Mets on an improbably win streak that the hapless Braves won due to 3 Mets' errors in the ninth inning. 1973 was a year that neither the Braves or the Mets want to remember but Todd Dugout for the Braves had 4 homeruns in 3 games against the Mets to help the Braves take the season-series. 1976 was the year the Mets were to be revitalized but the Braves soundly beat them with the help of Rafeal DeJesus' 4 stolen bases. Flashback to 1983 when the Mets won 4 games in a row and looking to take the drivers seat for the pennant soundly beat the Braves in 6 consecutive meetings, primarily due to Dave Jones' bat...batting an insane .560 against the Braves. Jump to 1986, the Mets lose 10 straight and then win 9 in a row, 6 of them against the Braves. Now turn to 1993, a series for the ages, the Mets and Braves split the season series with all the games decided by 3 runs or less. Flashback to 1996, who could forget the July 23rd game which saw 8 homeruns with the 8th homerun off the bat of Jason Killjoy to end the game in the 14th inning. And just 3 years ago, in 2001 there was the pitching duel that delighted all, with a 2-1 Brave's victory... so would today's game live up to all that history? Nope, Brave's win easily 8-2 off a Chipper Jones grand slam. Now back to you Stuart....

I purposely left out many of the adjectives and descriptive phrases they inlcude to make the intro brief...but I think you get the picture...but do you remember when ESPN would JUST give you highlights and scores? Remember the good ole' days?

So why the rant today? This is why...

I'm sitting here at work and have the opportunity to be watching some TV while I work...and those that know morning programming, know there isn't much on... so what do I do? I turn on some ESPN Sportscenter and what do I see ESPN Sportscenter doing, and promoting? Athletes and musicians. A whole segment on how successfull or unsuccessful some athletes have been in the music industry and then they conclude their show with some rap star performing.... and apparently this is a 'series' so there will be more of these fine segments in future ESPN Sportscenter shows... give me a break!!!! I can see it already...

The year, 2005: ESPN is proud to present a year-long, in-depth series on the best sports related songs/music videos, athlete performance, stadium songs and team anthems. So tune in every Tuesday night at 7 PM EST to see the countdown of the 100 best songs all year long....

BLEAH!!!!!!!