Slacking Issue VII: Vacation

A person that has accrued a fair amount of vacation time may think that they have got all those days they can devote to doing what ever leisure time activity, but certainly not work.  But what a potential 'slacker' may not know is how to effectively use their vacation time.

One of the first tips I have is to find out when your boss/supervisor is taking vacation and most certainly not use any of your vacation days during that time.  At most of my work places, when a boss/supervisor was on vacation that was like a vacation for us as well, so it would be foolish to use a paid vacation day on a day that was essentially a vacation day at work.

In fact, the best time, I think, to take a vacation is on the day your boss/supervisor returns from their vacation.  A lot of times the boss/supervisor may have some "new ideas" or, at the very least, get things "caught back up" since they were gone.  So if you are conveniently gone, you would miss out on any of this activity and return just in time for things to get back to normal.

Another tip, which is just blatantly obvious is to 'piggyback' your vacation time.  That is, to take a day off when you are already getting paid time off to make the paid time off period even longer.  For example, if Christmas falls on a Friday and you get that day off paid, take the Monday off as well and now instead of a 3 day paid break you have a 4 day break, almost an entire work week...plus, you are shortening up 2 work weeks and using only 1 paid day off...common sense is all that is.  The trouble comes when you have one of those holidays that happens in the middle of the week...which really is only the Fourth of July for most of us, which may tend to land on a Wednesday ... then do you take the days off in front of behind it?  If you don't have a lot of vacation the easy answer is to find out when your boss/supervisor is taking time off and make sure you are working those days...I don't know a single Fourth of July holiday that I had to work where I was busy at all, so even having to work around some of these holidays isn't so bad either...depending on what you are doing...

Slacking Issue VI: Commute

My next topic about "slacking" is the commute to work and how this can work out for those that want some quality slacking time.  Of course the commute to your work will depend on where you live but if you are able to "choose" where you live and your workplace is fairly laid back, you can use your drive - or lack of ability to do so - to and from work to essentially trim some time off their work day.

My first example is from a time when I lived in Phoenix in the late 80's...at this time in Phoenix there was literally one interstate that ran north and south that that was just 6 lane (3 lanes each way) ...  At this time driving any distance in Phoenix was a crap shoot.  Never, not once, would you ever be questioned if you show up late for any appointment or your job (as long as it was a consistent occurrence) because everyone had the same excuse and that was the traffic.  The sad fact is, though, you would be late for your appointment or whatever because it was actually due to the traffic...at any time if an accident or mishap happened on your route to where ever, you were screwed.  More than once I have came to a complete stop on the interstate or various other streets/roads in and around Phoenix.  Sometimes a 20 minute trip would take 2 hours because of some mishap.  I only could dream of how much better being stuck in traffic today would be compared back to then...all I had back then was the radio ... no cell phones, internet, etc... Now, being stuck in traffic a person can open up their laptop or pull out their smart phone and at least have some good time killing items available.

The second example works great in this region, the barren wasteland.  I have worked at a couple of different jobs and in both instances there have been coworkers that live 10, 20 miles out of town and make the drive in and out every day.  Traffic would never be an issue here.  But what these folks have in their favor is bad weather.  Each winter we are all but guaranteed at least a half dozen blizzards or so that will close down the highways, which would prevent the out of towners from getting to town.  Getting around town during a blizzard usually isn't too bad and a person can typically get to work and home safely...but out in the open it is too dangerous.  These coworkers simply need to call in to say that they can't make it to work because of the no travel advisory and go back to sleep. 

Another factor that is working in their favor these days is that the weather forecasters are all about overhyping any weather system and even the remote chance of a blizzard forming, will forecast a blizzard days in advance...those living out of town will all but make arrangements to not leave their house for the next 3, 4 days because of the impending blizzard...and then I would say 3 out of 5 forecasted blizzards don't materialize or are not as bad as what was forecasted...but that won't stop the out of towners from making plans on not going to work for the day...

Bonds Guilty Of Obstruction - Muddled Verdict

So the Bonds trial ended somewhat bizarrely, with only one verdict decided and that was for obstruction of justice, while the 3 charges of perjury the jury was unable to reach consensus on...word is, on the one count of lying about being injected by other people all the jurors except one felt Bonds was guilty because Kathy Hoskins saw Greg Anderson inject Barry Bonds, but the one juror said that Kathy was like family to Bonds so that left reasonable doubt in her mind.  WTF?  I can't figure that statement out but I figure she was probably bribed and thats why it was 11-1 on that one count...there was no way she was ever going to convict Bonds...

So in the end the entire trial was a waste of money and the government will have to decide if it wants to retry Bonds again and waste even more money.  Bonds of course is appealing the verdict and arguing to have the charges dropped based on the trial's conclusion and not ending in consensus.

Roger Clemens is probably got a great big smile after seeing and hearing how Bonds fared because his trial will be starting up soon and will likely be similar to Bonds' in a he said/she said type trial and the jury won't believe any one and will find Clemens not guilty due to inconclusive evidence.

The cheaters are going to get away with it...

Slacking Issue V: Appearing Efficient

Throughout my employment history I have had one trait that I have had to temper and alter my work ethic because there has yet to be one workplace that I have been at, whether it be menial labor or skilled, that this trait has paid off and gotten me either money or advancement and that is being efficient.  I think most people have a built in "switch" that they can flip when they realize that they will complete a project "too fast" or get done with something before they really want to for one reason or another. Me, in almost every job I have had, especially when first starting, would complete tasks in a very quick and efficient fashion.  Well, it didn't take me long to realize that this really isn't all that good for myself...my work shift was always the same duration regardless of how much "work" I would do and/or accomplish.  And what did completing tasks in a quick and efficient manner garner me?  A raise?  A promotion?  Absolutely not, all it did was get me another task to complete for the day or to redo the previous task again with maybe some alterations.

Being a "go-getter" and doing things as fast as you can really won't get you too far in most workplaces.  Oh sure your manager/boss will love the fact that he now essentially has a "willing slave".  Someone they can assign all the tasks that everyone else doesn't want to do with the best part being, is that they will likely complete the task very quickly and in an efficient manner ... and just waiting for the next assignment.

I have a two-pronged approach that I think can help others slack a little better at work.

The first step is the basic set up for "slacking".  And that is, begin to take your time and don't submit a project until it is the absolute deadline...at one work place I was at, the absolute deadline meant another week of my manager/boss telling me all the changes they wanted to see in my projects and usually, I felt my projects were very good 'as is'.  It took me all of 2 projects to realize that no matter what I produced, no matter how awesome/professional it was, if I submitted it early it meant that I would be making changes to it until it absolutely had to be done.  Oftentimes, I felt that most of the stuff was nit-picking and would actual make the project appear worse than what I originally put together.  This approach also deals a blow to the credibility of your manager/boss, and it is at their own expense.  Once I knew that any "deadline" that was given to me was just a fake deadline, I no longer even tried to do my best work until I would submit my project and get all the changes they wanted back ... then I may consider beginning the project in earnest.

The second step is for when you have an occupation that will let you determine your own deadlines...I had a position at a job once where this was the case and it was a nice slacking type job.  With this type of position I employed what I like to refer to as the "Wrath Of Khan Time Code" and those familiar with Star Trek II: Wrath Of Khan should recognize this application.  What it basically is, is that when you are asked how long a certain project will take, you will instantly add on weeks, days, hours, etc. to keep your manager/boss informed as to your project status.  But in reality your project should take considerably less than the time you gave to your manger/boss.  In the Wrath Of Khan, Cpt. Kirk and his away team were stranded inside a planet and couldn't get immediately beamed out because their ship was severely damaged.  When Kirk asks Scotty, their engineer, how long it will take to get things fixed up Scotty proceeded to say days, hours and weeks from now will be the soonest they will be functioning again...but of course that sneaky Kirk knew the enemies were listening to their conversations so they used a "Federation trick" in which the time(s) that Scotty gave to Kirk were actually hours and minutes rather than days and weeks...so the enemy thinks that Kirk and his team will be stranded for some time, but to his surprise Capt. Kirk and the Enterprise get up and running and save the day.

So if a manager/boss asks you how long a (typically) 1 day project will take you, you should reply at least 3 days.  And, I always like to add a bit of "Scotty flair" to this discussion, making it sound as if it will be of great labor and very time consuming...almost miraculous if the project can be completed at all, let alone at a specific time.  "How long will it take for you to do this?" my boss will ask.  I will reply "Gee, that's going to be tough and with all the other stuff I got going on, I think I can try and squeeze this in and have it done by the end of next week."  Knowing that I could have the project completed by the next day if I really wanted...but if I were to have it done the next day there will be another project waiting for me or I will get to redo the very same project again ... but never will a raise or a promotion be waiting for me...

Slacking Issue IV: The Victory Lap

Many of the "tips" I have for slacking are determined on your work place and the environment you work in.  I would say that most places have a certain degree of tolerance that they will tolerate certain activities and that is really where most of my "tales" come from...instances where a person was allowed to get away with "slacking" but it wouldn't be seen as that way.  This next example I first observed while working a crappy retail job but also have seen it employed in an office setting as well and that is what I like to call "The Victory Lap" and while, again, appearing to be working you are essentially getting away with slacking.

I first learned of this maneuver, as I mentioned, working a retail job and anyone that has worked a retail job knows that it sucks.  Oh sure you probably know or have met someone that really loves working some retail job but the truth is, unless you own the place or are getting paid a shit-ton of money (which you won't be), working a retail job sucks.  So at this one store, like most other retail stores, weekends were our busiest...during the week it was easy to slack off and not do much but during the weekend there were PIC's (person in charge - glorified manager wanna-bee) that would constantly be hovering over us peons ... making sure we were keeping on task at all times.  It seemed like an endless 8 hour grind.  Then I began to take note of Bob, he had worked there for a couple of years and I seemed to notice, especially during our busy times, that Bob would only be around some of the time.  Well, how could Bob get away from the PIC that was hovering over all of us, all of the time?  But then I noticed his trick...he would help a customer with their purchases and even go the extra mile and help them to their car, the door, however far that customer would want his assistance but once he completed that transaction he would proceed to walk around the entire store and essentially "check in" with everyone.  After the customer would leave Bob would leisurely saunter into the next department greet the manager there and then keep on walking until he had completed an entire "lap" of the store...and in no hurry now mind you.  And of course while you are doing a victory lap you might as well stop for a bathroom break as needed as well.  Of course the victory lap is best deployed if you work at a reasonably sized store where your "lap" would be sure to consume enough time to make it "slack worthy".

The victory lap used in an office setting can be a little tricky, especially if your boss seems to think you are just "standing around" talking to your coworkers.  So what I recommend is befriending other coworkers in other departments or areas of your work place...hopefully as far away from your overseers as you can.  So if/when you decide you would like to take a "victory lap" after completing some task you would leave your general work area and just walk to the other department's and areas in your work place.  Many of your coworkers will be more than willing to talk about the weather, sports or politics at the drop of a hat versus work so you may likely have an extended victory lap if you find two, three people to even have a 5-10 minute conversation each.

As an added bonus to the victory lap you can gain some 'brownie' points by noting anything the work place may be suffering from.  So when you complete your victory lap and your manager/coworkers come to you and may want to know what's going on or what you have been up too... "Well," you say, "as I was heading down the stairs I noticed this railing was coming off and wanted to let Ralph now but then he was busy trying to fix the clayiode system that crashed so I talked to Mike but he couldn't find the right tool.  So I am going to try and hook up with them in about 45 and help them finish that up if that is alright?"

How could a boss say no to that?  I mean look how busy you are!

Slacking Issue III: The Bathroom Break

Over the years I have had many different jobs and worked with many different people which have given me much insight into my current theme of "Slacking at work."  Because I am sharing many of these techniques doesn't necessarily mean that I, myself, have employed them.  I am just giving you my observational point of view, which leads me to my next topic, the bathroom break.

The bathroom break is similar to the smoke break in that if you work at a place where you won't get into trouble for taking as many bathroom breaks for as long as you need to without getting into trouble, some employees make sure to take full advantage of that workplace policy.  Now before we go much further I will let everyone know that I have never been comfortable taking a dump in a public place and doing so at the workplace was a very rare occurrence for me and would depend on the circumstances but I have a couple of examples of people that I worked with that had no inhibitions about using the toilet and would almost brag about their adventures in the bathroom ... "Boy you should have seen that last one, it about made me cry...had to flush twice and it still left streaks" a proud coworker would share with me without asking.

My first example was a coworker of mine about 10 years ago and let's call him Carl.  For some reason Carl thought it was absolutely outrageous if the first thing you didn't do when you got to work was grab the paper and go into the bathroom to spend the next 20 minutes emptying your bowels.  Then, before you left work that process should be repeated.  He took great pleasure in making sure that anytime he needed to take a dump it was done on company time.  I almost thought he would force himself not to shit all weekend so that when he came in on Monday it could be done while he was getting paid.  By setting this type of schedule, and making it known amongst your coworkers, you have essentially bought yourself at least a half hour, if not longer, per work day of "alone time".  Of course you need to be comfortable sitting on a toilet in the bathroom for the duration you don't want to appear working.

The second example was probably 20 years ago, damn has it been that long, but I digress.  I worked at a business where we would be fairly busy the first thing in the morning and then again in the late afternoon.  Well, when times were exceptionally slow, our managers/bosses would want us to do some sort of work around the place...sweep, mop, inventory, whatever.  Well, it didn't take long for me to catch onto the trick this one coworker employed and that was, as soon as it began to taper off they would have to go to the bathroom and sure enough wouldn't emerge from the restroom until the manager has assigned most everyone with some sort of menial task.  He would just "get lost in the shuffle" and end up basically doing nothing ... and apparently at no fault of his own for he was in the bathroom when duties would be assigned and then right when you think he would get some menial task assigned it would be lunch break and/or work would pick up and we would all resume our regular duties.  And what I would like to use this example for is to illustrate how the restroom, in most places, is still a sanctuary for people.  Would it be that difficult for a manager to walk to the restroom open the door and yell, "Hey Bob, after you are done how about sweeping up front?"  But managers are just like everyone else, trying to get by with doing less...its so much easier to assign that task to Joe who is just standing here...but I guess he is waiting to go to the bathroom...

Slacking Issue II: Smoke Breaks

I know I won't be able to keep this pace of a post a day in my new "Slacker" series of posts but I figured I do want to get some things up as they come to me and since this topic is fresh in my brain right now, here is my second installment of slacking in the workplace...

I use to smoke cigarettes but quit several years ago and don't regret it one bit ... but the one thing I didn't do, for whatever reason, was smoke at most of the places I worked at, but there were some, for the most part I was a "social smoker" and would only smoke cigarettes when I drank or went out...which was all the time as to give me an excuse to smoke cigarettes.  I have always wondered why I would never take advantage of being a smoker at work, especially in this day and age when smoking is so taboo you need to make a trek on foot a distance that is equal to the state of Texas to enter the "designated smoking area" for where ever you work ... which will usually be in an alley or behind the building, at the loading dock, next to the garbage ... all usually really pleasant places to be at to smoke.

So if you work in job that allows you to essentially take a "smoke break" as needed with no restrictions you should make sure you take full advantage of that.  I had one such job where one coworker was the master of the "smoke break".  I am fairly confident he took a smoke break at least once an hour, if not more, and each smoke break was a minimum of 15 minutes ... because on your way back from a designated smoking area you might as well swing by the break room and grab a cup of coffee ... since your on a break anyways.  So right there, this smoker is literally shaving 2 hours of "work time" off of his 8 hour work day every day...but that's just where it begins.

Being a 'known' smoker also has it benefits in the workplace when someone comes to you with a project or asks for your assistance because every reply you have will be "Sure, just hang on, I'm gonna run and have a quick smoke and be right back."  Of course you make sure that smoke break is at least a half an hour and the coworker that wanted your help, unless they specifically want YOUR help, may have just left or been helped by someone else and you can resume slacking.

Smoking has so many "bad" things correlated to it that most people won't even challenge your need for a smoke break.  And with smoking being banished out of most work places a savvy smoker can easily get a smoke break in as well as their "normal" breaks.  I worked at one place many, many years ago where we had several smokers but I would never see any of them outside smoking on their lunch or coffee breaks and I asked one of them why. They chuckled and stated that it was silly to smoke during your breaks because you could simply go outside and smoke while you were suppose to be working...I think it was around this time that I took up smoking and also began to become wise in the ways of work slacking.

Slacking Issue I: How To Look Busy/Important At Work Pt. 1

I've been searching for something new, something fresh, yet something I am familiar with to start blogging about...as some of my regular readers have likely noticed my posting has tapered to a snail's pace for some time but it's because I've been trying to think of a few different topics to begin discussing on my blog in hopes to "freshen" it up a bit...and just this afternoon the inspiration came to me.  My home page is set to my.yahoo.com which will select "feature" stories and for the past few weeks I have gotten (recommended by Yahoo!) stories on how to conduct a proper job interview, what questions not to ask a potential employer, how to do your resume and so on.  But I've rarely seen posts on how some employees get away with doing little and yet keep their job ... so that is how I decided start giving some of my observations which can be used by anyone in their workplace to do less and yet seem to be integral to the business.  I've always have been a "go-getter" at my work places but then some employers, over the years, have ripped that spirit from me and turned me into a lazy employee.  I have had more than my fair of jobs ... up until the past 15 years, most were menial, low paying jobs and I have my share of "quitting" stories...but that is all background to my new series: Slacking.  And to be more specific, I think it to be more centered around slacking at the work place because over the years not only have I perfected some great slacking methods I also like to think that I am an "expert" in the field and would like to recognize and share other great slacking techniques...and so with that, here's my first installment...How to look busy or more important than what you are ... and I'll say part one because I am fairly confident I can discover more...

Here is a great slacker trick that I just discovered and I think it to be very effective.  If you ever think your co-workers think you don't do anything or you are just sitting around - and maybe it is because you do - but here is a great first step to reverse that impression from your coworkers and that is request a whiteboard and markers ... and the request is important for this process too... for you see, you want your employer to start to think...oh boy, this person looks like he is going to "get organized" and will promptly run to the office supply store and get a white board and markers for you.  Now there's a couple of key elements to this entire plan to make sure it works perfectly for you...the first is to then hang the white board in the most noticeable place for your coworkers to see it...exactly in line with your entrance to your office/cubicle/shop/what have you, so that a person, when entering, will see that white board.  The next part is fairly obvious...have stuff written on the white board and keep it updated.  What you have written on your white board is irrelevant and if you actually want to use it in a productive manner, more power to you.  But if you just want to "appear" busy and/or important then make sure you are just putting things on the white board and I think that the more gibberish the funnier ... yet have it "appear" as if it is some cryptic short-hand known only to you.  I would use common looking words for your workplace but remove all the vowels, put plenty of dates and or times on the white board and maybe a name or two... something like this would surely make you appear busy and important:

4/12 - mtng John w/GE
2:45 - mntnce vb
6/2 - Clear jmpst
4j-345 - invoice cp/dl
cpu wkshp
dl-fwd mit design

But make sure you change your white board on a regular basis...simply erasing a few lines and adding a few lines would make it appear as if your day is busy every day and what have you really done?  Nothing, just wrote some things on a white board...but it sure appears as if you are in the process of doing something.  As and added bonus, you can use the white board to get you out of work...if someone comes to you asking for help and you don't want to help, just simply look at the white board and say "I'd love to help you but my day and week (or month or year or life) is booked solid., look at this."  As you point to your cryptic whiteboard.

I think if you are looking to start slacking at your workplace adding a whiteboard is a great first step...

Happy Slacking!